three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I feel like death gave me a hand job
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
