you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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