It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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