The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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