I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
