Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The air was thick with penises
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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