I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
