guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize