My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
