You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
