You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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