On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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