ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
