Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
