I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Such a big mess for such a small penis
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
