rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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