HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
