Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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