So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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