i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
