she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Randomize
