omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
