i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
