I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
