I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
