kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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