he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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