i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize