Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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