I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
