I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
