I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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