My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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