I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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