it hurts more in the daytime
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
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