I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
