My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
