moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
