I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
