I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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