rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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