Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
