Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
