I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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