I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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