I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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