OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
