3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
