he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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