I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
