operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize