Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
