i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
