who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
