I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
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