mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize