I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
