I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize