Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
