he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
