Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
