I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize