Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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