party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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