eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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