Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
