Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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