The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
