i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
