so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
its not stalking. its research.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I stole a fireplace last night.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Randomize