We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Success! We fucked roommates!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize