I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
