I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
