Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
