This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Sorry my hands just texted you
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
