Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
