I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
