break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
