True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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