He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
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