Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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