it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
