I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
