Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
