Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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