Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
