sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
