it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
