i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
