Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
