You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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