If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
They should really pass out barf bags in church
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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