dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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