just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
