i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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