Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
