and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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