I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
