Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
