Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
