Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
