I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
