...so i touched it.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
