you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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