i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
